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yo y la luna

"it's me and the moon..."

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May 30th, 2008

Frisbee makes me think?

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Last night on the ride home I was thinking...

The only 2 outstanding guys I've ever fallen for a.) haven't fallen for me back, b.) will never fall for me, c.) are a couple of my best friends, and d.) are making a 14 hour road trip next fall to see me on my birthday... while i'll be drunk. GREAT.

Who thinks I'm going to do something stupid? If you have any common sense you'll agree. lol

Funny how the world works out like that. I'm going to enjoy summer whether Chris and I are together or not. I doubt there will be any exciting romantic prospects. Are there ever in Waterford? I mean - there's a reason why my love life because a thousand times more exciting in Clemson. And that's fine. But I refuse to sit on the sidelines and watch the world spin around me because of someone 16 hours south of me.

Kids, it's time to party... :)

April 7th, 2008

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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Respect

Foundations are built on it.
It governs the interpersonal relationships that the world relies on.
Without it there is nothing.

Romance is governed by it,
Professors, bosses, and leaders demand it.
It’s the necessary evil that creates advances.

Earning, receiving, and giving it
Is a constant cycle,
A balance that when disturbed ends up in
Hurt Feelings
Large Egos
All that is wrong with stereotypical
Corporate, egotistical American society.

However, it is not always a scary monster.
It can be beautiful, delicate.
It is the love held deep within the soul.
It can be the force that drives success.
It can be the needle that sews a broken life together.

Gaining and demanding it are two different animals.
One coexists with its surroundings:
At peace with pit falls and finds ease in overcoming them.
The other is fierce and challenging.
Both yield separate outcomes,
Embodied by different personality types.

It is the power to say, “No.”

To have those thoughts heard
And valued.
To be able to stand up and SPEAK
The thoughts that rattle around and turn them
Into inspirational things.

It shows compassion, dedication,
Purity, honor, drive,
And the qualities that people want to follow.
It is mutual, necessary,
And the piece of the puzzle that so many individuals are missing.

Learn respect.
Learn life.


I want to scream. SCREAM

March 29th, 2008

Frustrated

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Not being able to speak is frustrating. I'm just putting it out there. In reality it's just one more hoop we have to jump through to prove to them and ourselves that we want this; but I rely so heavily on my words, experiences, and opinions to define who I am that I'm finding this a little difficult.
I am also very frustrated with a few people. How old are you? I think that I had higher hopes for the maturity levels of my friends. Sometimes advice is hard to hear. Sometimes it's hard to take. Guess what? Advice does not need to be adhered to but if someone is putting their time and energy into trying to help, you politely listen. If they misunderstand, you let them know and try to correct it. You don't know everything.
You haven't seen the whole world. I'm not trying to say that I'm even anywhere near as mature or "worldly" as I should be. But I guess that's just the way that things go. You learn as you live. I did a lot of living in high school that barely anyone knows about. I've also been through enough at school with enough distance from my early life that you learn things.
Learning from mistakes is a part of life. Not everything is the tragedy that it seems. Gain some perspective, then tell me to "shut the fuck up." Gain some perspective, and then you can put me down for not being around enough. Gain some damn perspective, and then you can give me all the dirty looks you want.
Quit judging me based on the past mistakes I've learned from. Stop belittling my maturity just because the truth is difficult to hear or digest.

I do not appreciate being silenced...

However, it's something that happens to everyone.

Welcome to the real world.

March 6th, 2008

Boys are DUMB

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Boys are stupid. The end. They're not worth it, especially when you probably won't EVER see them again after about 4 more months. That is my opinion, at least.

<33

February 23rd, 2008

Damn...

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I'm a bad person. I know.

I've wanted to ask you so many things, but I'm too afraid to now...

How did you like CAZ?
Have you made a decision?
Are you as uncertain about your future as I was when I was a Senior?
Do you feel as insecure about things as I do right now?
Have you ridden in the snow yet?
Is the weather getting warmer?
How badly do you hate me?

I'm tired of being a horrible friend and a horrible girlfriend.
I've let too many people down.

January 18th, 2008

rooooad trip!

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WE'RE GOING TO G-VEGAS FOR THE WEEKEND AND I CAN'T WAIT!

I missed my freshman friends a lot.
I keep getting more and more excited.
Hopefully it'll be good, and this will make some things better,
but it could just make things worse.

I guess we'll see.

January 17th, 2008

excerpt from my journal...

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"He died over a year and a half ago and we still just can't let him go. We sat there under a cold, star-filled, January sky with our feet inches away from the river below just wishing that we could have him back. Him, because he still mourns the loss of his younger cousin; Me, because he was my angel... I don't believe in god or miracles but I do, did... whatever tense, believe in Jesse."

So there.

January 4th, 2008

(no subject)

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This is the point where I need to leave Waterford.
I can't stand even being in the same town as him,
not when I don't have the one who saved me anymore.

Why did you have to get pulled away from us?
You were the only one who knew,
the only one who cared enough to make it stop.
I was mad at you for leaving,
but really I just don't think I liked the fact
that I no longer had any control over the situation.

What's keeping me safe this time?

I never really spoke to you, not more than a few words,
But you were a monumental person in my life.


You changed who I am.
You changed who I will become.
And no matter what I do,
You'll never come back so that I can properly thank you.

I was always too scared to say anything.
I wanted to just forget
So the closest I ever came was to a meaningful glance.
I know you understood,

but now I feel like it wasn't enough.
I'm sorry.

Please come back...

And on that depressing note, I'm leaving on Sunday!!! I can't wait to see Paul again, and then soon after that Devin, and then a COUPLE of days after that Chris. Loser and his loser orthopedist. lol I miss feeling like I'm home, and I'm strangely excited for classes to start. I am going to rock this semester. I will.

I am going to take control of my life, and pull everything together.

December 24th, 2007

Merry Christmas!

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So, it's christmas eve.

First semester is over and it was great. Too social for my own good. I guess that's what's bugging me the most right now. I came out of the first half of the year with a 2.76 GPA which definitely isn't great. It's not like a failed out first semester, but I put a lot more emphasis on social stuff then I did on my grades.

I think the bit that bothers me the most is that I could have had a 4.0 if I had put in a single ounce of effort. It wasn't hard at all, I was just stupid and decided that going to class wasn't that important and that I could get away with not studying that much or doing all my work. Basically, I'm retarded and got mediocre grades because I wanted to be cool. Yay me.

I will do better next semester.

I think it helps that I have a room that I can study in now. And as sad as I am to say it it's probably a good thing that Chris is getting a roommate because I won't be over there ALL the time anymore. Which is sad, but will be good for my grades. I know that I can do it, and I really want to get a 4.0 second semester so that I can bring my GPA up, like a lot.

I think that's it for now. Happy Happy. :-)

<3

P.S. I love my boyfriend.
The End

November 21st, 2007

Growing Up

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So, tonight made me realize how much I've grown up since going to school. I'm over school girl crushes, I can have more mature conversations... I'm a fan.

For example, tonight when I dropped him off, Spencer kissed me on the cheek. If this had been anytime in high school I would have been in love, my cheeks would have been burning, and I wouldn't be able to think. Now It just makes me realize even more that he's like my older brother. He's been explaining me as his "little sister" to people and I think that I like that. I enjoy being over the hype. I love that he can see me as an actual friend. I'm happy. :-)

<3 <3 <3
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